One out of four stars
(Rated PG for language and mildly vulgar humor)
Some things just never change. Back in my salad days, circa the 1960s, the Beatles made two (three actually) great films, “A Hard Day’s Night” and “Help” to cash in on their fame. Not to be outdone, several other rival bands from the British Rock Invasion did likewise, albeit with far less success. One could never forget “Ferry Across the Mersey,” that lovely little chestnut from Gerry and the Pacemakers. Then there was “Having a Wild Weekend” from the Dave Clark Five.
How bad were these films? Pretty bad, considering that even cable channel AMC has not yet shown either on its Saturday night “AMC Pop” series. The Monkees have made the cut with “Head,” a bizarre film I actually liked.
So now we have “On the Line,” featuring two members of the popular singing group ‘N Sync, in their acting debuts. Featuring a lame-brained plot that’s a copycat of “Serendipity,” both Lance Bass and Joey Fatone help us forget Mariah Carey’s inauspicious debut in the recent debacle, “Glitter.” What am I saying? These two make Mariah look like Meryl Streep by comparison.
Lance plays Kevin, a junior advertising executive in Chicago. One day on the L (elevated train) he meets Abbey (Emmanuelle Chriqui). It’s love at first sight. Why, they can name all of the U.S. presidents forwards and backwards, so how can they miss? But does Kevin ask for her phone number? Noooooooo.
So now we follow this fellow as he hangs up posters looking for Abbey. He recruits his roommates, including Joe Fatone, to assist in the search. A newspaper columnist gets wind of the story, which becomes the “most dramatic story to hit Chicago in years.” You all know where this is going. Stop me before I get vertigo.
Yes, I was young once. Perhaps the acerbic tone of this review is because countless mothers held me up in line to buy tickets for their teenagers for the Friday night show.
But a bigger gripe I have lies with our local movie theater. Once again, they have run trailers for a film that gets passed over. This time it’s “Life as a House,” the new Kevin Kline film. True, the reviews of the film have not been too kind. But it seems to me to be a deceptive trade practice to run coming attractions for a film and then not show it, opting instead to run teenage junk like “On the Line.”