Jawbreaker

I couldn’t wait to get home from the movies on Friday to spew my venom at the wretched Jawbreaker, a 91 minute waste of my life and probably yours, too. I’d just as soon have my jaw broken than to sit through this one again.

Let my synopsis be brief before I begin the Jerry Springer end-of-show homily:

Jawbreaker features four babes known as the "Fearless Four." They walk through the halls of their (I assume) Southern California high school with the swagger of professional wrestlers heading into the ring for battle.

The leader is Courtney (Rose McGowan), followed in descending IQ’s by Julie (Rebecca Gayheart), Liz (Charlotte Roldan), and Marcie (Julie Benz). Three of them surprise Liz on her birthday by kidnapping the girl from her bed and throwing her into the trunk of a car.

The oversized candy jawbreaker they ram into Liz’s mouth covered with duct tape causes the poor girl to suffocate. When they discover the horror of their crime, Courtney orchestrates a cover-up. There’s a witness to contend with, the homely Fern Mayo (Judy Evans Greet), who replaces Liz in the "Fearless Four." Julie, however, who looks to be around 28, is the only one with a conscience. Somehow you know she’s going to entrap Courtney in the end. This is not "Les Miserables" material, after all.

There is a growing trend for Hollywood to release a teen-oriented movie a week these days, and why not? With a guaranteed box office bonanza based solely on Friday and Saturday night ticket sales, the demand for entertainment is insatiable.

Why, then, are they producing such mindless schlock? Call me a fuddy duddy, but I like good movies, period. It’s too bad that a far better teen-oriented movie like Reality Bites can’t be used as a model for present or future flicks. Young people deserve far better than what they’re getting.