Just how bad is Detroit Rock City? About 30 minutes into the show I attended, the film broke. After a slight delay, the picture came back on, but with no sound. For five minutes, all we got was the picture accompanied by the country and western music the theater plays between movies. And do you know what? It was the best part! If the actors had been speaking their lines in Urdu, no one would have noticed the difference. It might have helped.

Set in 1978, we follow the adventures of four Ohio high school slackers who against all odds attend a KISS concert in Detroit. The movie plays mostly as a tribute to the band. We’re reminded of that every ten minutes or so when one of their songs leads us into the next scene. The four KISS members make a token appearance in concert at the end, but it’s recent footage. Two of the members appear to be suffering from Furniture’s disease (that’s when your chest falls into your drawers).

Back to the four teenagers. Hawk (Edward Furlong), Jam (Sam Huntington), Lex (Giuseppe Andrews) and Trip (James DeBello) have a garage band. When Jam’s chain-smoking, bible-thumping mother (Lin Shaye) finds that they have four tickets to the KISS concert, she burns them. It’s her belief that the band’s name is an acronym for "Knight’s in Satan’s Service."

In a panic, the four rob, lie, cheat, and steal their way to the concert. That’s the entire plot.

Devout Catholics will not be amused by the film’s truly offensive look at the rituals and priests of the Roman Catholic Church. It is also not amusing to see young actor Edward Furlong, who gave a stellar performance in last year’s American History X, make a total jackass of himself. Edward, the next time you appear in something this rotten, learn your lines in Urdu. Maybe no one will notice.